Last week was rough. The following is a snapshot into my journal last Tuesday.
“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness,
let the bones that You have broken rejoice.”
Sometimes it feels like God is cleaning me with steel wool instead of the cotton washcloths I prefer.
As I write this, my heart aches. I’m crying and hurting. I feel broken by longings and unsaid words and independent realities and the delay of good dreams.
“I know, O Lord, that Your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me. Let Your steadfast love comfort me according to Your promise to Your servant. Let Your mercy come to me, that I may live; for Your law is my delight.” -Psalm 119:75-77
Don’t miss this.
This affliction is from the Lord and is a direct result of His faithfulness. It is not to injure but, like using a safety pin to remove a splinter, to heal. It is not to cause grief but to bring us deeper into steadfast love. It is not to rip our hearts but to sew us more tightly into Christ. The fire is not to burn but to purify. So this is to kindle our joy, not to kill it.
I just don’t know what to do with these longings.
I guess there’s only one real option and that’s to sacrifice them to the One who sacrificed His rights for us.
One day we will be completely clean. Steel wool ensures it.
Until then, I’m learning to embrace these light momentary afflictions, straight from the Potter’s hand, and surrender everything and nothing less to Him.
Humbly I stand, an offering
With open hands, Lord I bring
Everything and nothing less, my best, my all
You deserve my every breath, my life, my song
I surrender, I surrender all
Lord take control, I trust You
I’m letting go to give You
Everything and nothing less, I give You
Everything and nothing less, forever
Everything and nothing less, my life is Yours, completely Yours
-Aaron Ivey, Chris McClarney, Jason Ingram